Its winter???

The last week in India went by so fast it is incomprehensible. So much was jam packed into every hour that I think I went go go go all the time and not much thinking. Praise the Lord for the guidance of the Holy Spirit to guide us when we don’t even know what to prioritize first. But everything works together for good and God’s thoughts are WAY higher than ours!!! So the last week I finished up all my projects and got everything ready for the team. This included cleaning a house for them wearing a surgical mask the dust was so bad. It even got through the mask ewww anyway now the house looks beautiful!!! Lots of hard work but it was all done the day they arrived.
The final days there I spent hours and hours singing playing praying and loving on all the kiddos especially the HIV+ kiddos. I got a little sunburn on my face sitting in the sun that long. Teehee!!! We had family prayer where the children all prayed and sang praise song the children have a worship service and prayer meeting every night amazing huh!!! So we sang everything from I’m trading my sorrows, to This is how we overcome, to Awesome God to Lord we lift your name on high and Friend of God… These children sing their hearts out and when they pray, they pray a long time intensely!
So the last few days I was there I kept praying I wouldn’t lose my voice from all the singing. Which I never did! Praise the Lord…
So many beautiful things happened in all my time with the children, way too many to write all here.
But the last day I was there we woke up at 7 am and ran ragged the entire day. When I went around and said good bye to all the children it was sad yet so fun. I spent a long time with the little HIV- girls where we sang and danced like fools but laughed so hard my abs killed. Then it was off to the HIV- boys where there was more laughing and goofing off as the boys bestowed me with a garland. Then I went to the older HIV- girls for more garlands and BANANAS!!!! So very good!!! Then I had to say goodbye to my sponsor child she had a very hard time smiling through the tears. But she found hope in the fact that her mother who is 24 and HIV+ will be getting a job at agape and going to the school to better her education and life. AMAZING HUH!!! So before I left the girls asked if they could pray for me, how precious!! So they all got down on their knees and laid hands on me and prayed for a good 15 minutes. My sponsor child Haseena prayed as well which I think helped the goodbye process. After they prayed for me I prayed for each of them and as a group concerning the issues of the hostel and the interrelationships between the girls. They are middle school and high school so all the problems are the same there interpersonally as there is in the US so prayer is needed!!! Anyway so I was able to mentor the girls and help them work out some of the dynamics.
From there I went to the HIV+ kiddos and said goodbye to all of them. I had to pick 3 kids to pray for me so I asked them who wated to pray for me,a bunch raised their hands- talk about a tough pick. So I chose 2 girls Ravali and Kajal and then looked at the boys with their hands up. Little Saimanikunta had his tiny hand raised I asked lynne if I could choose him. She said sure and smiled with a great look of surprise and said no one else would ever have given him a chance. Sai really doesn’t have much verbal abilities except for mimicking the melody of a song I am singing which is beyond adorable. But look at him does it get much cuter!!! I don’t think so!!! Anyway Sai comes up a little confused because he wasn’t expecting to be picked.. he stood next to me squinted his eyes shut put his hands together in front of his face and began to pray, well I think he was praying. In a mix of Telegu, Hindi and some definite Holy Spirit tongues he pored his little 2foot body into this prayer. I was shocked as well as Lynne and the others there that he actually prayed. It was beyond precious! No one knows what he prayed but we all know Jesus knew his little heart. What is more precious than a little child praying over you, I can’t think of anything! Sai is a 6yr old boy the size of a two year old who was so mal-nourished when he came with full blown aids that his speech and language development is below the level of a 2yr old so his age is shocking but his heart will shock you even more. The other girls prayed for me and I was able to understand some of it even though it was all in Telegu. Then Deepak my man put a garland around my neck soooo cute!!!
Right before I left Ravali called me over, I thought she was gonna hand me cards- which they did but the real reason they called me over was way more precious!!! I went over 10lb garland around my neck and all and started talking to them they hushed me to be quiet which was confusing but then all the girls in unison went “Spppp sppp chukka chukka mua ta ahhhh” not exactly sure how to spell all that since most of it is tongue clicks which aren’t in the dictionary but in a strange un explanatory way this is a funny way to say “I love you” I taught a few girls how to do it and they in turn taught all the HIV+ girls and they did it together to say goodbye to me!! I know its a little lame but I teared up as they did it and am tearing up now thinking about it, man I love these girls!!! So after a ton of hugs and I’ll miss u’s it was on to the last hostel, the little HIV- boys. At this point it was almost 10pm and I walked into find all the little boys sleeping in a row on the floor, talk about precious. We were only able to wake up a few so the sleeping ones I kissed and said I love you and goodbye too. The ones who were up gave me a garland and laid hands on me and prayed. They were so groggy and sleepy it was so cute! So then we went back to the house and got my stuff and headed to the bus we were taking to the airport.
After a hour ride to the airport we were pulling in and lynne asked rutnam where my luggage was and he laughed and said in the car. I was not sure how to react cause the car was in uppal, an hour away!!!! It took me a good 5 minutes to believe Rutname that he had seriously forgot to bring my luggage!!!! So we picked up the team at 1am loaded them onto the bus, and drove back to uppal, that the lordmy flight wasn’t till 7:20am. It was such a God thing that we forgot my luggage. I would have hung out at the airport for 5 hrs instead of helping lynne move in the team. I was able to haul luggage with my boys (the 16yr old orphan boys, who had been my helpers/ bodyguards all month) Got to love them!!!! And I was able to field so many of the questions the team had on the ride home and once we got to their house. I even killed a cockroach before any of the guest saw him in their room.
I so didn’t want to leave and it really didn’t feel like I was since I came back from the airport with them. They all though I lived in India hahah how funny is that!! Anyway so at 4am my 5 boys and chekropani the driver and I (with my luggage this time) loaded double checked this time:) We got to the airport said our goodbyes then I was off to concur Hyderabad’s airport AHHH!!!
So I got through security to my gate and then ate some funky food and got on the plane! Couldn’t sleep at all which is funny because as I boarded I had officially been wide awake and peppy for 24 complete crazy hours!!! Once in London and through security ate a sandwich yummy and then waited to board again. Once on the plan I did the math an realized I had been awake for 40hrs!!!! and then I crashed!!!! I slept the whole plan flight from London to home, which is good cause I needed to get some zzzz’s So my last bite of Indian food was on the airplane, and to my surprise they served my favorite India dish YEAHWHOZY biryani, oh good!!! The stuff not on the airplane is way better but I’m not complaining!!! So I got off the plan and honestly it seemed like an hour ago I was with the kids in India helping the team into the house, I must have been in a serious coma zombie existence cause it really didn’t feel like it was over 24hrs ago I was there. So I Got my bags and went out and got to hug my family and talk to my dad who was boarding a plan as I got was leaving the airport:( but I’ll see him Friday. (love u dad big hugs if you are reading this!!!!) So arrival home was wonderful it was like I never left!! Its weird I feel like I should be in India now but there is a huge snow storm outside lol so I am in kind of a funky state of mind I feel like I should still be there but I know God is in control and has all of it in his hands. I look forward to sharing more stories with you and what home is like besides the cold. Today I am off to go sledding and drink cocoa!!! There are a few wonderful things about winter!!!!! Hugs to you all and thank you for all your prayers and support.

Laying Down Self (not so easy but so necessary)

So I went to update all of you many times today and decided not to because I could not for the life of me decide what to write about. I didnt feel I had anything update worthy. As many of you know I spent the better or all of Thursday Friday and Saturday in bed, this didnt bring about much to share besides what was in the last post. So as all of you are getting out of bed and drinking your morning coffee and heading off to church, others of you are at dairy conventions (shout out to my WI family) :) I am just finishing well almost finishing a big project. Today I woke up feeling alot better but missed my ride to Uppal because I was reading the bible:) I do believe God allowed me to miss the ride as it is now 6pm ish and my ride would have just now dropped me off and its been and up and down tummy day. The big project I was referring to was working on planing and organizing the missions teams agenda. They are coming from Illinois and land the day I leave. So I am making all of the packets for the team so they can help the kids write their letters to their sponsors. I will do the pre-school kids because the team doesnt know them so it would be to hard for them to do it. And I am looking forward to hanging with my little ones and playing with paint:) at least thats what i want to do, not sure if lynne will go for it:)
So health wise I am doing ok, continual prayer would be appreciated as my stomach is acting up in a way it has never before it hurts really bad all of a sudden and i have to lay down and i have this excessive acidity thing goin on... not fun...
But I decided to update you on what the past few days has been all about besides being sick. as you read in the last post I have learned alot about the creator of the universe. And I have also realized how much I dont even begin to even begin to realize to understand about Him. The fact thats it is not about doing His will or living His purpose out in your life but about having a Love Relationship With Him that out of that you do everything in life out of Love for Him thus it is in His will arbitrarily. Its kind of complex yet so simple, even as I am typing it I am still trying to grasp it. So if you want to hear the Lord its first about developing a loving relationship with Him.. so thats what I am working on denying self- not easy, and loving Him!! so yeah tonight as all of you are in church I am gonna spend the evening in prayer, because relationships take time and with my busy life i NEED to learn how to prioritize my time and not give Him the last from my field but the first the best, what I would give to a man I am madly in love with.. s enjoy church this morning, enjoy worshiping this amazing loving God we serve and know I am worshiping with you!!!

Only in HIM we find True Rest

So I really dont know where to begin. Well I guess I can begin in end with God, since He is Alpha and Omega. So i guess I can end with Him too, which is good cause I was planning on it. :) He is so good to His children.

If any of you have been updated in the last 3 days you would have heard that I was sick. It began with post nasal drip and a burning throat, which was later accompanied by a fever and then body aches that made it painful to stand, sit in a car, or even lay down in bed. Thus, I spent the past 2 days in bed. In the past 2 days I have probably spent less then an hour off of my bed that is on the floor. In that time I was miserable trying to see how God was being glorified in this. Why would he allow me to fly half way around the world and spend 2 days getting aquainted with my ceiling fan.

This morning I woke up and showered only to find that a severe case of nausa was now added to the mix. So this morning I had and antibiotic, a pain killer, decongestant, and because it is friday a millaria pill, and an anti-nausa pill, which all of these did nothing! who would have thought that a drug coctail like this along with pepto and coke and crackers would only make me feel worse???

So today was spent holding back tears as I laid in bed alone wishing I felt better or I had family or friends to support me. I e-mailed people and even chatted with my dear aunt and my parents a few minutes before they went off to work. But nothing made me feel better I only got worse and worse. i was cold yet skin on fire and sweating. then i would get so hot and there was no relief. I couldnt get up because if I did the world would spin and the nausa would increase to an intolerable level.

So after hours of rest and not moving and no relief i put on worship music soft and shut my lap top off and laid their tears streaming down my face in the darkness. I was completely beat, helpless, and scared. i just started to pray. I have been learnign so much with all this time in bed i have done alot of reading about a relationship with Jesus and being in His presence and about how it is all about LOVEing HIM!

So I am laying in the dark just praising Him and proclaiming How i love Him just because He is EVERYTHING. and because on my own I can do absolutly nothing. that is one thing i saw while being so sick was that in my flesh I can do nothing, I cant eat walk nothing without HIM. so if I cant do any of that I sure as well cant love a perfect God who I cant see. So I asked Him to help me love Him. Slowley i felt a tad better to the point where I was praising Him sitting up. (Which was a big deal for me) and then I decided i wanted to be ready to fall asleep so that I could fall asleep in is presence not worrying about taking my 2nd dose of antibiotic or brushing my teeth- which now i realize i shouldnt have worried about that anyway. So I got up, took my meds and went to brish my teeth. I was brishing and worshiping Him and was in awe that He had given me the strength to stand sturdy. So i made myself gag by accident and then i was hit with a wall of nausa but i didnt feel alone for the first time all day I felt peace. As the nausa got worse and worse I spoke out loud "I trust you God, I trust in you" Who knew you could praise and worship the Lord and throw up simultaneously!!!

It was such a freeing experance its like He was waiting for me to realize I could do nothing, and everything and everyone I run to in life for support could do nothing. He wanted me to run to Him in my time of need. He waited till I exausted all of my comforts and ran to Him in despiration and when I was there he fifted my head and said what took you so long! He rid me of everything- harhar pun very intended, and gave me peace.

Yes my body is exausted but I have learned a beautiful lesson. God is Love and the way we walk in a relationship with Him is LOVE Him. and when u love someone you run to them in your time of need. God loves us more then any family any txt or e-mail or prayer or person ever could and He wants to lavish that upon us but He does not want to be second to anything. God is a jelous God. So we have to shut the laptop, turn off the internet and phone and not rely on earthly things and praise Him in the all circumstances. He gave me Psalm 23 "The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever." as I began to praise Him befor the throwing up even happened. It gave me a comfort that I was not alone and even though I had no control over my body or my circumstances, He had control, He made my body, and Has all the power to heal and restore in His timing. And looking back, even with the weekness learking in my body and well aware that tomorrow I could feel dreadful again, I am praising the Lord for the lesson He taught me. In the last post I mentioned i was asking the lord to help me prioritize my life. Man He took me literally, He showed me the relief I put first and long to have comfort me pale in compareison to Him. We serve a Jelous God! Who is Worthy to be praised!!!! so Be blessed as I have been blessed. I am going to go to sleep now resting and praying God's healing power in my life, Because in HIM WE FIND OUR REST!!!!

ITS CLEAN!!!! and only several critters:)

So the past few days have been clean clean clean... the playroom in the Boys and Girls HIV+ hostel was really dirty. I walked in there and couldn’t find the toys, they had been mixed in all the bins and then most of the toys had been thrown up on a huge ledge with a TON of trash, dirt, and cockroaches and lizards ahhhhh!!!! so I killed my first cockroach and 2nd and 3rd and 4th!
But the first one that ran out at me caused me to scream and run away. I begged the girl helping me to kill it and get rid of it. I did the same for the second on I saw too. I know I was a wimp, but I braved up after 4 or 5 of them, as long as they didnt run out on me and I saw them in advance... The lizard scared me because I moved something and he was there... I went and got a boy to move him out of the room... I didnt want him killed just not near me:)

So this was before, after already 3 hrs of wk... Then me and Somnia (12 yr old) worked the next few days and now this is what it looks like...

AMAZING!! haha so yesterday I spent several hours in there with Deepak, Sai, and Buba, and sometimes a few more kiddos would join us... most of the children were in school so the little ones got the first wack at it...
They were in toy heaven and wouldnt stop moving!!! thats probably why I got even sicker the next day... I'm doing ok now that an antibiotic is in me as well as pain killer and decongestant. so hopefully the post nasal drip, fever, and burning throat sensation and sinus pressure will go away as well as my very swollen tender lymph nodes.
So today I am planning all the sponsor letters for the children to write. A team is coming the day I leave so I am planning their trip. Lots of work to do to accommodate a team of 14 middle aged people that are only here 6 days. So that’s what I am working on.
God is really working on my heart and its priorities and how I spend all my time so you all can keep my Jesus time in your prayers.
As for the little boy I mentioned in the last e-mail, Doctor put him on an antibiotic for his leg, and last night he ran up and hugged me. I almost didn’t recognize him. His leg was not swelled at all and normal temp. He had no fever and was smiling. So I guess the Lord healed him in His timing. I am still pursuing the Lords guidance on how to know His timing and trusting in His healing power and flowing in the Holy Spirit.
So that’s all for now I will update you more later about my day today, Sleep well all of you as I start my day.

His blessings overflowed!

The presence of the Lord, oh even just writing that first phase has moved me to tears.
I don't know if I have ever experienced the presence of the Lord as consistent or as gracious or beautiful or as AMAZING like this EVER! This presence was not brought about by the hype of a sermon or music or a great band or a convention center, or church service where hundreds or thousands are around me intensifying the reality of the my experience with God. The Lord has been gracious and loving enough to pour His presence and love out upon me alone so unworthy. I just cant even describe it.
I have over the past several days and weeks really drawn near to Him, not to receive but just wanting to be with Him because I love Him and desire for my Love for my Creator to grow. Its amazing I cant even Love Him without His help. I am so humbled in His presence when I think of all He does out of pure love for me and the rest of His children.
One thing I have learned is food water company fun and all the materialistic things in life cannot sustain you, only a relationship with Jesus can give you a life that is fulfilling at all. I have never experienced the Lords presence in a way that I would long to be back in it.
Yet this morning I got up and had to leave the house right away (to actually go to church) and all I wanted to do when i got home was rush to His word and love on Him and be Loved on my Him.
I have also experienced a constant communication with the Lord even more then I already had.
Being in Awe of the Lord and His love is the best way to live.
I have learned how seeking His presence is not a quick fix or a one day thing but a way of being. you live in His presence ALL THE TIME. not just for a quiet time in the morning.
My faith has grown and with that has come some hard obstacles and a lot of humbling and a lot of sacrifice. but in the end the sacrifice is nothing and the humbling is a reality check bigger then none other.
I have such a far and long road and learning ahead of me but I am oh so excited to be on this journey with my beloved.

Christmas/New Years:
Yesterday was Jan 1st and also the present day!!! so the HUGE project of packing the toys for the children was completed and now it was time to bless the socks off these kiddos. Agape is unlike other orphanages, it is a family, thus gifts are given based on the children's interest age ability to read instructions in english, favorite colors, and personality. so as u can guess a gift package for 300 children takes along time.
The day began with a worship service. Praise and worship in Telegu and English and then a message by Lynne and translated to telegu by Rutnam (her husband). We all wrote down something in our lives that we felt the Lord desired us to change in this coming year and a covenant or change to grow in our walk with the Lord we felt He was calling us to commit to. Then we (all the children and staff) put the papers in a offering bowl and burned them. It was a real reverent service followed by communion for the children who have excepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior. It was the most beautiful communion!
Then we all ate 300+ people out of one HUGE thing of rice and one HUGE thing of chicken curry.
Then back to the school to give out presents.
my camera died shortly after the process started but I believe that that was the Lords will, as i was able to see His grace and love lavished on His children because I didnt see it through a lens of a camera.
The sheer joy and gratefulness of these children as they received gifts designed for them was amazing to see. I had to hide my tearin up cause I didnt want the children to think I was sad but I was overwhelmed by God's blessings. That people halfway around the world would be moved to bless children that they dont even know with toys, and that Lynne founder would invest so much time and money into blessing these children. So that you so very much for all the blessings that brought all the smiles, giggles, vrrooom-vrroommsss, and crazy fun for all these children!!!
God is so Great!!! isn't He!!

oh I pray for all of you reading this that you can experience the presence of the Lord in your time with Him that I have been blessed with. Its not about being in a foreign country, or on a missions trip, it is about taking the time out of your life to fall in love with your Jesus. He promises to draw near to us if we draw near to Him and He fulfills that promise when we dont just give Him our leftover time.
Make Jesus your priority and just wait till your eyes are opened to the Glory of His majesty all around you All the time...
may you be blessed, thank you all so much for your prayers.
please keep my stomach in your prayers, as well as a precious boy i spent some quality time with today. He was in to much pain to tell me his name. He is around 6 years old I estimate and came out crying of knee and leg pain. Rutnam the doctor here assessed it and is going to put him on medicine. He has some infection that is causing the pain. The knee is swollen and red and the boy has a fever. I came in the room after playing with the boys and their new toys, and saw him curled up on the floor crying. He would cry/scream when a child running around with the excitement of their new toy would bump or step on his leg. Even the smallest movement hurt. I sat down next to him and lifted him into my lap. Want to have your heart broken and melted at once, hold a weeping helpless child that all they want is you to love and help them. so i put my hand on his knee and prayed for God's healing. I sang in His ear and his crying stopped. I was able to fend of the boys from hitting Him, but ever time I would take my hand off His knee he would cry and put it back on. Other boys noticed my quiet singing and came and leaned in to hear it. oh so precious. The part that was the hardest was seeing this child in pain and praying for healing in Jesus name and not seeing restoration. I kept reciting verses in my head and was completely thrown off by the fact that the boys leg was not supernaturally healed. It borderline made me mad because I truly believed the Lord would heal him. So the rest of my evening will be spent waiting on the Lord before bed, asking Him to explain why. I dont know if I'll understand but ,my prayer is that I can. I do trust God because as much as I love this beautiful boy that I don't even know the name of, and as much as it brings me to tears and leaves me undone to see him in distress, I know the God I serve is bigger and greater and has the power to do anything and His love for this Boy stretches to the sky. He not only knows his name but every fiber of his being and He put it there. So who am I to question? nothing... but still it leaves me compelled to ask.... so any veterans of the faith that want to pass on any wisdom the Lord leads you to, you are most welcome.
I love you all,
Thank you so very much